Friday, October 21, 2011

Oh titles you are a challenge for me.

There are two things in life that I've realized bring me happiness. Fall weather and resting my forehead against a cold window pane. I’ve also never felt the serene peace and silence that come from calm reassurance.

Let me stop there it’s not like me to start a blog with the actual blog! I need my preface. I need my pointless fluffy intro. Let me start over.

WORDS. Letters forming groupings that are WORDS. I love them. I know at this point you all know that. I’m a 20 year old who owns and digs a thesaurus. When I count my blessings words are something that make the list. Communication. Expression between yourself and this world. Communication between family, friends, all those you love. Understanding. Never have words let me down, in their beauty they are each different. Each triggers a different feeling or thought, each can display a point that can help beings relate and grow closer. But words even in their best I have found just don’t make the cut at describing some thoughts. FEELINGS sometimes don’t have words. Things that just click for you, maybe events that relate and create a understanding of a point but yet can’t be explained. Feelings can lead to endless knowing for you but opening your mouth you only have beautiful disastrous word vomit fall to the ground. (classy imagery I know) because there is no way of saying what is so clear to you. As a self proclaimed “word nerd” I never thought it would come to the point where I wouldn’t be able to reach into my heart and pull out the words to help each person I talk to. I’ve always found the words and rhythms to do the dance of communication. But in the last few days, I’ve met my match. I’ve reached feelings that have no words, I’ve experienced a calm that there is no justice to describing. In the words of Dr. Seuss “So the writer who breeds more words than he needs, is making a chore for the reader who reads.” So where are my words all I have a feelings that dance in my chest and press against my rib cage. Each time I try to express them their dance gets more excited, and my smile grows and yet alas no words.  

In times of distress I find that I find my understanding on my knees with my eyes close seeking guidance from those above who know far greater than I do. Peace. That’s what I got. It’s like sitting on a beach watching the waves wash over the sand. Only I’m the sand. And the waves some silent understanding that pours over me and gracefully slides back where in came from in a pattern and rhythm that can’t be explained. I’m content. No, I’m happy. I know there is deeper meaning.

I learned that in time when a small voice says “not a good idea” that I should listen I can think of so many times in life where if I’d listened the impact would have been immeasurably better. However I don’t kid myself into believe that the past can be changed. It cannot. So I just learn, learning it’s a strange yet simple thing. You can learn it and know or you can live it and KNOW. One thing I can do is learn from a mistake, and pray to understand. You will.
I’ve spent all day with words and phrases, expressions and questions running in and out of my head. But now as I sit at the computer all I want to do is read Dr. Seuss quotes.I guess maybe feelings and learnings like this are ment for the learner alone. Some feelings I guess are too well too ________ to express, too I don’t know wordlessly wonderful for words?  

Hmmm. I guess this will be the shortest post ever written dear readers. I apologize. I’ll write again on another day. Until that day enjoy fall. Breathe in the crisp air. Let the small moments count. Slow down and count your blessings. Watch leaves fall. Don’t let the changing colors miss your attention, or you will pass the reds, yellows, and greens. Take time to enjoy the wonder around you before it’s just brown, cold, naked trees. And the frosts of winter take over. Bring a nice cup of hot chocolate and let the wind blow through your hair on a silent walk in the fall night. Enjoy what you have before you eyes, because everything has its season before the change sets in. Don’t under estimate what you have.  

Short. Simple. No real understanding of the feelings, but words read between friends bring them closer. So come closer my friends. Read me like the book I am. If you need me I’ll be forehead pressed to chilly glass, counting 1,2,3, 20, 56, 77, 78, 79, on and on and on my blessings I will count. Don’t get carree’d away.

No comments:

Post a Comment